Spattering

I knew I was already married. But somehow, all that was left of that marriage was a toddler child. Everything was arranged for me and soon, I was married to another guy I barely knew. Maybe my family knew him.

My heart was pounding at the thought of lying down with a strange man that night. My little one kept distracting me, though. She was wide awake and active, climbing on top of me and rolling beside me. I felt confused.

Little did I know that I was going to be confused even further. I received a telephone call. The voice at the other end told me that this man I married had a girlfriend. She was deeply troubled and heartbroken upon learning that he married me.

I felt so weak I reached out to the wall to steady myself. Suddenly, splotches of ink appeared on the white textured surface and started to spread gradually.

"This was all a mistake!" I thought. The next three words chilled me and confirmed that my soul is as black as the splatters almost covering the wall.

"She committed suicide."

What Happened?

It was a nice night for a leisurely walk, but he wouldn't even hold her hand. She could hear another piece of her heart breaking off. Sure, they had a delicious dinner of pizza and pasta, but they didn't talk much. He doesn't even want to maintain eye contact with her.

After a shower she couldn't really enjoy, she curled up on the arm chair beside their king-sized bed, her pen poised above her journal. She watched his childlike face and listened to him snore softly, while about to encode an entry about him. 

"I don't know what happened. What did I do wrong? I have tried to be a good wife, fulfilling all my duties. What was lacking? Why is he treating me this way? What has caused this alienation? And from my own husband! Less than a year of being married to each other, and this is what happens. Where is the honeymoon phase they were talking about? I don't understand anymore... If this is what it's like to be married, I shouldn't have said 'yes' to him. What..."

Her vision started to blur and she realized that big, fat drops of tears were rolling down her cheeks onto her journal. Her chest was aching due to crying in silence. She felt that she had to get away from this place, from his side... Her hand flew to her mouth. OMG. Was she thinking of legal separation? No! That's wrong. Or not? What if he has another woman? What shall she do?

Opening her underwear drawer, she placed her journal beneath the articles of clothing. She couldn't sleep, she wondered what was next in her life... What she could do now is to trust God and keep praying that He will touch her husband's heart.